Near Future Goals

I've been working very hard for the past 6 months at being able to become a stay at home mom, sort of. I planned on babysitting 3 or 4 kids in addition to my own, and interpreting part time 2 nights a week. At the beginning of June everything was looking great. I had interviewed for the part time interpreting job and everyone was telling me I would totally get it. I had 4 kids lined up to babysit. Everything was peachy. Starting last week, the peach decided to turn :-( The interpreting job I qualified to come in through a mentorship program, BUT it's currently on a freeze because they are revamping it. It could be another 2-3 months before its up and running and I can start. That pushes me to September or October or even longer. Then my best friend tells me that her Dad has decided to change shifts at work so that he can keep her, soon to be here, new baby. Which really is awesome news. I wish my parents lived closer so they could help with my kids. I'm totally happy for her. It's a great opportunity she should totally take advantage of. It just sucks for me because it may have just pulled the plug on me being able to stay home. I do have 2 confirmed kiddos so there is still a good possibility I can stay home. I decided to check in with my teen parents that were interested in me keeping their 3 month old baby girl. Dad doesn't think they will use me, but Mom thinks it would be a good idea. I asked that they try to give me a decision by the end of next week. I really hate the feeling of my plans being up in the air. I'm the kind of person who needs to know exactly what's going on or I go crazy stressing out about it. I've cried a lot the past couple of days. I truly hate the idea of having to go back to work and leaving my kids. Don't get me wrong though. I LOVE the work that I do and I LOVE the babysitter we have. My heart has just really been telling me that I need to be home with my kids. I also need to give my boss an answer soon. It's not fair to her, or the people who are waiting to hear about a possible job offer either, that I keep putting off my decision. Not to mention, I will have to tell my 2 confirmed families that I won't be able to keep their kids after all. I loath the thought of that. I can only imagine the stress I would out them through. Ugh! I just really want to do what's best for my family. I've been so incredibly wound up about all of this, I'm sure it hasn't been pleasant for everyone around me. I just hope that everything works out for the best. I could really use some good karma in my life right now. Hopefully I've done right by enough of my actions for this to work out in my favor.